Thursday, January 19, 2012

Comfortable and Dull or Challenging and Exciting?

This is the dilemma that I currently face. The good news (or bad news, depending on what moment you catch me in) is that whether I like it or not, I'm thrusting myself back into the mix of the latter in less than one month.  I've nestled into my Raleigh life situation for the past several months, living with minimal expenses and responsibilities, but also sparce action and excitement.  Even though the change ahead of me is a city that is now familiar and I once called home, it will still be a very different Madrid, as that I'll be living in a new flat, in a new part of town, searching for a new job, and without many of the friends that have moved on.  It's also been months since I've done much practicing of the Spanish language and planning an English lesson for my students seems like a task buried deep in the back of my mind.  With the added influence of pesky Raleigh regulars reminding me of how seemingly unnecessary it is to return to this exotic life is, I have to stop and ask myself why I'm spending mucho dinero on a momentary return to Espana. 

All this apprehension is undoubtedly a byproduct of this cozy setting surrounding me in this exceedingly familiar hometown of mine.  Sometimes when adventure goes unpracticed and one settles into a complacent lifestyle, it is more challenging to recognize what faculties for change lie dormant beneath the surface.  That's why injecting invigorating experiences that shake up things is so essential to a rich life.  My current mindset is increasingly apprehensive and the all-to-vivid memories of the challenges experienced on my initial move are beginning to burden my thoughts.  But then I remember how dull this life is now and how exciting it will be as I blast off back into life abroad. 

Beyond Spain, I have to wonder, what comes next?   My plan for return is not perminant, and I know that as finances run low and time on my visa ticks down, another move will be inevitable.  That same question that has plagued me for the past two years is still hoovering in my mind:  When does the adventure end a settling begin?  A recent visit to Denver, CO to visit a close companion from my Madrid experience reminded me that there is infact a compromise.  Moving to this liberal, young town is a very real and expectedly pleasent possibility.  And perminance is unnecesary.  Even still, I can't seem to shake the idea that finding a US city and signing a lease will at least partially stiffle the adventures.  All these questions will surely be answered eventually, but for right now all that is on my mind is Spain.  The rest will come and I remain confident that as long as I follow my instinctual feelings guiding me down my path, all will work out beautifully.  As a wise man recently adviced me, life is a dance and I must continue to step to the rythm of my own song, even when the music sounds more faint.  

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