Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Plan B

This past week has been a whirlwind of changes as my plans for the future have taken a complete 180 turn.  Due to the politics around the Spanish consulate and other extraneous circumstances, the plan has shifted and another year in Spain is no longer it.  I could have continued to push on, defying the Spanish government as I did before, or returning to the consulate again and again until I was dragged out of the building.  But being turned away had me facing that question once again, is this what I really, really want?  I just had this feeling come over me that this was not what I was supposed to be doing after all.  And so I decided, no more Spain.  But with this comes many other new considerations that I was not prepared to face.  Suddenly everything in my life from my home to my career to my relationship were coming to an abrupt end. And the questions have been multiplying in my mind.  Where do I want to live?  What do I want to do?  When will I get abroad again?  Are the adventures coming to an end?

Being home surrounded by people moving on with there lives and the influential voice of my parents only has made the decision more complicated.  I needed to clear my mind and figure this one out on my own terms.  Timing could not have been better as today I find myself in a neutral zone, by the sea once again, in San Diego.  My incredible friend that I'm here with decided to take life into her own hands, much like I did, and came here to begin a new life.  And some really well timed chats with other extremely inspiring friends has reminded me that I need to step back and gain perspective on all of this.  Having people on that same mission, to live on their own agenda, has me remembering what Spain was truly all about for me. I'm accepting the fact that my chapter in the amazing city of Madrid is coming to a close, and while that is a painful realization to swallow, I'm also reminded that just because this one door is closing, the adventure is nowhere near over.  Sure I have some big decisions ahead of me, but suddenly I'm looking forward to all the possibilities ahead and bringing the adventure just a little closer to home.

I am reminding myself now that life really is a journey and that I chose to live off the beaten path for a reason.  I'm also starting to remember certain things about living in Spain that were not so ideal and I'm looking forward to embracing a new city and lifestyle that won't be so temporary, one where I will not be such an outsider.  All I need to do is figure out my next step, Plan B, and dive in with out hesitation.  I'll still return to Spain to say farewell and get one last taste, but new cities are twirling around in my mind creating a new storm of ideas that I can't wait to dive into.

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