A good friend told me this tonight about my last 4 months at home and I realized how true it has been. There have been periods where I wondered, how am I going to sit here doing nothing for months before Spain? I'm living at home, with no job, my friends (with the exception of a few who I am imensely greatful for) dispersed around the country and the world... Well now the time is growing to an end and all this cozy, annoyingly comfortable, easy living will be coming to a close as well. As I reflect on the time spent back in Raleigh, I have a deeply gratifying feeling for the clarity that has come with this lull. Sure I could have easily been driven insane by too much time to sit and think and be bored. But instead I feel very fulfilled and enlightened. There are so many books I've had the opportunity to read, conversations I have had the time to indulge in, hobbies that I was able to dive into, and time of peace and quiet to relax and enjoy the moment.
Life is about to get busy and the wheels are going to be spinning once again. I'm delighted for what lies ahead, but I can't be more appreciative for the gift of time and reflection I've completely taken advantage of over the past several months. There is a voice inside of me that has always questioned everything and since the distractions in my life have subsided, the voice has at last recieved some attention. The more answers I feed, the more my questions become louder and now that I know what it is to have my time to focus on what I choose to focus on, I know that that voice will never be silenced again. The time I've had has done quite the opposite of driving me insane. It has given me a great gift of living for the now, in the moment, and feeling more connected to myself than ever before. Ah, home... I will miss it after all